CUstoDY
by Psychen-tied
Summary: Set after 'Brave Heart'. Rachel is taken away from Cuddy. For now Cuddy's single but it will change very quickly... K for now, will get T or M according to the mood.
1. Unraveling

**Hey people, brand new fic. I didn't quite know what the time frame should be for this story but I staged it after House and Cuddy's "you do make me feel funny" scene in his office. In my story, Cuddy is single, so no Lucas. No Huddy and no Luddy. At least not yet... Enjoy. **

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**CU**sto**DY**

**Chapter 1: Unraveling**

Princeton Plainsboro, winter 2009, Four days before the annual Halloween fundraiser.

Cuddy walked out of her office and took in her surroundings: Halloween was approaching and she had three days left to prepare the fundraiser that was supposed to bring the hospital generous contributions from wealthy donors and help her open a new oncology wing. There were cobweb and pumpkins and candy in every corner.

She went to the fourth floor and watched the glowing children who were waiting for the flood of candy that Halloween inexorably brought. Most of the kids had traded their depressing hospital gowns for bedsheets, their pallor making them look like ethereal yet cheerful little ghosts. Halloween was one of the few times of the year Cuddy didn't feel depressed when walking on this particular floor. The children were happy, her staff was smiling and some even wore costumes to cheer the kids up. And it was working. Cuddy had a sweet smile on her face and was feeling light-hearted.

She was in a great mood and sighed contentedly. She took a last look around before heading to the elevator: She had work to do.

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She arrived in front of her office when she saw three people waiting for her. Her heart sank when she recognized the couple, feeling cold sweat streaming down her spine, making her shiver. She had a dreadful feeling about this, as if she was doomed to lose everything that ever mattered to her.

"You should have taken an appointment, I'm very busy and I'm afraid I don't have time for..." she began, trying to ignore the lump in her throat.

"We only need a moment to discuss a very important matter, we wouldn't have bothered you otherwise: we know you're a busy woman Dr Cuddy, which is part of the problem actually..."

She invited her visitors in her office and sat at her desk, taking a sharp breath and waiting for them to talk.

"What can I do for you?" Cuddy asked calmly.

"This is our lawyer Jeffrey Patterson. You remember my husband Phil? Well, after much consideration, and we assure you that this is not a whim, we've come to think... well, I don't quite know how to put it, but..."

"Would you please say what you have to say?" Cuddy urged, the more the woman hesitated, the more worried Cuddy was getting.

"Well, we're sorry but we would like our late daughter's baby back" the woman said, not directly looking at Cuddy but staring at Cuddy's twisting hands on the desk.

"WHAT?" Cuddy's eyes popped out, her mouth hung agape, her skin lost two or three shades. She was absolutely shocked, even if seeing Rachel's grandparents was self-explanatory, hearing that woman actually say that they wanted to take her baby -HER baby!- away from her was a terrible shock. Cuddy stayed almost catatonic for several minutes, a ton of bricks falling on her would have felt better.

When Cuddy regained her voice and some composure, all she could articulate was a whimper "but you can't do this".

"Look, we thank you for everything you did for both our daughter Nathalie and our granddaughter, but now we're here to take her back. Jessica needs a family, a healthy environment and a father figure"

Cuddy ignored what the woman had just said "I found her, I saved her and took her in when you wouldn't be bothered with her..."

"Dr Cuddy, let's please remain civil. We know what you did for Jessica and are deeply grateful..." the woman couldn't finish her sentence because Cuddy nearly chocked with indignation.

"HER NAME IS RACHEL" Cuddy yelled, she couldn't stand those people calling her another name.

"Now she's Jessica" the man said calmly, speaking for the first time.

"Oh my God" Cuddy put her hand on her mouth to smother a nervous sound, which could have been a violent sob or a hysteric laugh. "Listen, I know you suffered a great loss, but you have to give it some time, it's a huge decision, and RACHEL had enough drama and traumatic events in her short life already, you cannot take her away from everything she's familiar with" Cuddy argued desperately.

"We're sorry, but that's final, we are willing to compensate for everything you paid for but we made our decision: one way or the other, we will get her back. We'd like you to ease the process..."

"Like hell I will. You won't take my baby away from me, forget it. I won't let you do this"

"...and make it as painless as possible" the woman finished, determined.

"Painless???" Cuddy blurted out 'painless for whom??? Is that a joke?" Cuddy was terrified, she was overwhelmed by a horrible feeling, it was déjà-vu. It reminder her of her discussion with Becca, Joy's biological mother.

The attorney, who had stayed silent, finally intervened "look, if we take this to court, you will lose Dr Cuddy: these people are the baby's biological grandparents and they have the right to raise the child. Don't make things more complicated than they should be. You're a busy single woman, what do you expect? You would lose a lot of money for a lost cause. Be reasonable" the lawyer told her, methodically and rationally. He wasn't unsympathetic but he had been hired to win custody for the grandparents and he would do his job.

"Get out of my office, I have to call my lawyer. Trust me on this: you will never have my baby" Cuddy said coldly, miraculously managing to keep her anger at bay.

Rachel's grandparents left and the attorney looked at her and without adding anything, he got out of Cuddy's office.

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Wilson was carrying a file he wanted to show Cuddy when he entered her office. Not hearing a sound, he looked up at her and saw her frozen, shocked expression. She was clutching at her desk as if it was a life raft. He knuckles were white, bloodless, just like her face. "Who were those people and why do you look like you're gonna faint?" the oncologist asked, deeply concerned by Cuddy's lack of reaction.

She recovered quickly "they're donors. They won't give the check they promised" Cuddy managed to lie.

"Oh, I'm sorry, it must have been a huge amount of money given your expression. Even losing Vogler's hundred thousand dollars didn't make you that depressed" Wilson said suspiciously, scrutinizing her.

"Yeah well, the circumstances are different. Did you want something?" she deflected.

"Huh... Right, I need you to sign off on these files" he said remembering that a patient was waiting in front of his office.

"Yeah sure" she put her signature without even reading the file, which was very unusual of her.

"Aren't you gonna read it?" Wilson was surprised.

"You're not House, I can trust you" she said distractedly, tired of pretending to be okay. She needed Wilson to quickly get the hell out of her office so that she could curl up in a ball and cry.

Cuddy stayed in her office the whole day, nobody had seen her. When a nurse would come and knock at her door, her assistant would invariably say she was in a meeting as Cuddy had instructed her.

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House was in his office, his legs propped up on his desk, tossing his giant red ball when it occurred to him that he hadn't seen Cuddy all day.

He decided to go to her office and see if she was avoiding him. After all, she had said they were okay, but this silent treatment was very atypical. When he tried to get in Cuddy's office the door was locked. He checked his watch. '6:30. She must have gone home to spend time with her Gremlin' he thought 'I'll figure it out tomorrow'. And with that, he left.

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Cuddy got home as soon as she had stoped crying. She was in her living room, pacing with the baby in her arms, rocking Rachel, trying to soothe her, caressing her back in gentle circles but she was so tense that her baby could feel it. Cuddy tried to relax and put her nose in Rachel's neck, inhaling her lovely baby smell.

Her sobs stopped, her silent tears only evidence of her desperation. Rachel finally fell asleep in her arms, but Cuddy didn't put her down in her crib, she kept her close, and spent the night with her heart beating at the same pace as her daughter's.

Cuddy hadn't slept, not even for a second, and she felt knocked out. Unfortunately, she had a board meeting in the morning and the main agenda was the fundraiser. She couldn't afford to call in sick, the hospital needed that money the Halloween gala was bringing, she had to be there. 'Dammit!' she thought angrily. Kissing rich old guys' asses while avoiding getting hers groped, and the inappropriate looks and misogynist comments were usually a pain, but faking all night would take all her energy.

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After getting Rachel ready and giving the usual instructions to her nanny, she went to work. She arrived at eight o'clock sharp, all dressed up and her makeup perfect as usual, but she felt as if in autopilot. She was beyond tired and even if there was no physical evidence of her exhaustion, hidden by an expert makeup, something about her was off.

House stared at her from a distance and immediately knew something was wrong.

The first thing Cuddy did when she arrived was close her office blinds, lock the door and call her lawyer. She explained the situation and waited for him to give her hope. She was crushed when she heard that her chances to win were slim to none.

She told him she would fight nevertheless and hung up, getting the papers she needed for the 9:30 board meeting.

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Wilson knocked on her door and gave her a coffee. This was their early board meeting ritual. He wondered why her blinds were shut but knew better than to ask.

The whole meeting, Cuddy stayed alert but unusually silent. She just didn't care anymore. The useless and ridiculously expensive proposals from some board members that normally would have made her jump didn't even make her blink. Wilson was getting very worried and he intervened restlessly in Cuddy's behalf. After all it was an oncology wing that was about to open, he had to fight for his ideas.

When the meeting ended, Wilson took her arm and led her in a corner for a private talk.

"What is up with you today? You look like a zombie for God's sake! When Phillips suggested to serve dishes shaped like tumors, you just mumbled your approval" Wilson deadpanned.

"What?" Cuddy asked, astounded.

"That was a joke. Lisa, seriously, what's going on?"

"Wilson, I appreciate your concern and I'm grateful you were here today but I need to catch on some work. I'm fine"

"Okay, I'll talk to you later. Wanna have lunch? It's Tuesday"

"Thanks but I'm swamped until tonight"

"Right" he replied unconvinced. He knew something was up. "Is it about House"

"Who? No! I'm fine Wilson. Just go back to work please"

"Okay okay, Lisa: take a minute to eat something at least"

"I will" and she disappeared.

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Wilson went straight to House's office. "What did you do to Cuddy?"

"What? I haven't even seen her since Friday. Why, what's up?"

"I haven't the faintest idea"

"What, I thought you were her walking diary" House quipped.

"Apparently not" Wilson sighed. "I'm worried about her. She looks like... I don't know, desperate"

"Nothing unusual there" House deadpanned

"You're an ass. Wanna get lunch later?"

"It's Tuesday, don't you have lunch with Cuddy?"

"Not today"

"Okay, pick me up at noon. You're buying"

"Yeah, let's try something new..." Wilson spat sarcastically and left House office.

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All week, Cuddy had supervised the decorators, called the caterers, taken care of every little detail. Wilson and House had kept an eye on her but only Wilson tried to talk to her. House was worried but showed it neither to Cuddy nor to Wilson.

House asked him to investigate on Cuddy's strange demeanor but he told his best friend he was just being 'curious'. Wilson wasn't fooled but it didn't really matter to him: what made him nervous was that Cuddy was genuinely upset and it had nothing to do with House. The world had to be coming to an end...

By Friday morning, everything was ready for the evening. Every night she had cried and stayed with Rachel, realizing she would lose her soon and that there was nothing she could do about it.

She had hired a lawyer. There was a preliminary hearing the week after and was supposed to have a social worker visit her home to assess her mother skills.

In to meantime, she had to focus on the fundraiser and act professional and festive, entertain donors, show her Dean of Medicine poker-face.

She knew that Friday morning that she wouldn't have time to get back home to put on her Halloween dress so she had brought it with her. She changed her clothes in her office bathroom. She was not in an extravagant mood so she chose a simple long, black, silk dress and a Venetian mask.

The fundraiser would end very late and she wouldn't see Rachel. That thought alone made her cry. She had never been a crier but lately she just couldn't help it. She stepped out of her office and offered a fake smile to the first guests. Fortunately, the mask she was wearing hid her tears. She had a look at the hospital decorations: at least everything was perfect. She welcomed Wilson and she was very surprised to see that House came and was speaking with Foreman and Chase. She came to say hello to the team and her half covered face showed the smile she had set but nobody saw the sadness. Everybody was fooled but House.

The party went on and on. It ended at 2am and it was a success. Everybody had fun, everyone but Cuddy and House who had been staring at her from the nurses' station that served as a bar.

By the end of the event, her jaw hurt from her fake smiling and she could feel the first signs of a mind-splitting headache. She had to head home as soon as possible. 'Mission accomplished: the Halloween gala had truly been a nightmare' Cuddy thought. She couldn't wait to be home with her baby...

Cuddy drove far above the speed limit and arrived home less than fifteen minutes later. She paid the babysitter and got ready for another torturous sleepless night. She put on some hideous PJ's, removed both her mask and makeup and was about to check on Rachel when she heard a soft knock on the door.

**There you go: I laid out all the elements of my story. Next chapter we'll have some action. All's fair in love and war and that's exactly what you will get.**


	2. Prosecuted

**Thanks for the reviews people! **

**I always forget the disclaimer bit but this time I'll play by the rules: I don't own House, in fact with great episodes like "The Tyrant" and "Brave Heart", that's quite the opposite: House totally owns me.**

**Okay, without further ado...**

**Chapter 2: prosecuted**

Cuddy was surprised to see House at her doorstep. His visit struck her as odd given that they hadn't said one word to each other that was not work-related since House had told her she made him feel funny.

"What are you doing here?" she asked her star diagnostician tiredly. She wasn't in the mood and yet she had to admit she was intrigued.

"I needed to talk to you" House replied seriously, his voice devoid of any sarcasm.

"We haven't really spoken in ages and I was at the party during five endless hours without you talking to me"

"Yeah, speaking of which: you've been avoiding me" he noticed.

"Honestly, I completely forgot you were even there" Cuddy admitted, not to hurt him but just because it was the truth. House didn't know if she meant at the fundraiser or in general. It wasn't clear but either way, it bothered him much more than it should have.

"That's flattering" House deadpanned, hiding his hurt feelings.

Cuddy felt the sudden and absurd need to cry. _'Not. Now'_ she admonished herself.

She looked at him and fought the urge to break down with all the strength she could muster. She looked down and without being able to help herself, she burst into tears. House looked at her, dumbfounded, confused, but his protective instincts kicked in and he hugged her, feeling her tremble in her arms. He lifted her and closed the door with his foot, then went to her couch and gently put her down, settling beside her. He held her close and his heart broke when he felt her muffle her sobs against his chest. He rocked her gently, and it occurred to her that his hand was rubbing her back soothingly just as she did with Rachel, which made her cry even harder.

After a while, she was so exhausted she fell into sleep. She almost hadn't slept all week. House looked at her closely and wondered what made her lose control. He had only seen her cry twice in twenty years and never had he seen her so desperate.

House didn't know what to do so he just stayed there, holding her and let his mind wander. He had to figure out what was going on but he fought the urge to wake her up: she needed to get some rest.

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Cuddy woke up two hours later, completely disoriented. She was in her couch, curled against a manly chest. She looked up and was shocked to see House looking intently at her. She was too exhausted to feel embarrassed. She then remembered opening the door and bursting into tears. The rest was blurry, she didn't remember walking to the couch or falling asleep.

"Hey sleepy head" House whispered gently.

"Hey" Cuddy managed to mouth, her gray stormy eyes locked with his baby blues.

"Care to share what started the waterfalls?" House quipped, making her relax a little.

She smiled weakly and tried to get up to put some distance between them.

"Oh no you're not going anywhere Cuddy. You momentarily turned me into a cuddling teddy bear so you owe me"

"I'm just tired, I barely slept all week. Sorry about earlier. What did you come for?"

"Yeah right, look: I invented the deflection concept so don't even try"

Cuddy thought it over and with a resigned sigh, she decided to confide in him. She swallowed the lump in her throat and her eyes focused on the floor, her shoulders down.

"Rachel's grandparents. They came with their lawyer. They want to take Rachel away for me"

"What? A few months ago taking Rachel was too painful and now they want her back?"

"Yeah, that's pretty much it"

"What are you gonna do about it?"

"I called my lawyer but he told me the odds are not in my favor. I can't lose her, I just can't" she said, panicked. "Maybe I should give my resignation to the board and be a stay-at-home mother"

"This is bullsh*t" House said angrily. He thought for a minute and Cuddy could almost see the wheels turning in his head. She doubted he could help her keep her daughter, but seeing him concerned made her feel a little better.

House finally snapped out of his thoughts and looked at her with his epiphany look.

"Call Lucas"

"What?"

"My PI, call him. They must know you're not gonna hand your child to them without a fight so they are going to base their argument on you being a working single parent. Let's get some ammo against them" House declared. "They did a hell of a job with..."

"House..."

"Do you want to keep the Gremlin or not?" he challenged.

"Yes" she said unequivocally.

"Okay then, call Lucas. And be prepared to be the nasty she-devil I know you are" he said with a mischievous grin.

Cuddy looked at him with a poignant gratitude "Thank you"

"You're welcome. Now go to bed, it's very late"

"Yeah, House, I just..."

"Yeah, I'm so glad I'm gonna see that bitchy wrath directed at someone else for once"

Cuddy laughed and realized she hadn't relaxed for a very long time, let alone laugh.

"Goodnight House"

"Night Cuddy" and he silently closed the front door behind him.

Cuddy checked on Rachel who was sound asleep in her crib. She put a light kiss on her daughter's forehead and put a soothing hand on her warm little belly. She fought the impulse of taking the baby in bed with her and went to her bedroom. She felt better since her conversation with House but an unsettling gloomy feeling was still lingering. She laid down and fell asleep immediately.

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She was in the courtroom and was taking the stand. She looked around and she couldn't see anything but unfamiliar faces. 'Where are my family and friends?' she wondered. Her side of the room was empty and on the other side, there were Rachel's grandparents, their lawyer, and behind them an entire crowd of supporters who where looking at her like she killed someone. She felt oppressed, judged, despised even. She then saw all the members of the board pointing an accusatory finger at her, accusing her of being a bad mother and a negligent Dean of Medicine.

"How can she be a mother when she cannot control a limping 50-year-old lunatic? She drove him crazy, she will turn Jessica into a sociopath" she heard one of the hospital's big shots.

The spotlights aimed at her made her sweat. There was nothing warm or comforting about this light, it was uncomfortably hot and aggressive.

"Could you please do something about the light?" she tried to say, her heart pounding painfully in her chest.

"Why? Do you have something to hide? Are you feeling exposed? Does it bother you?" Patterson said. The lawyer had a wicked smile and looked increasingly confident.

"No, it's just... it's too hot" Cuddy cried, helpless.

"Don't worry _Miss_ Cuddy" he said condescendingly, putting the emphasis on the word 'Miss', you'll soon go back to your cold home, alone. My clients will have Jessica by Christmas eve"

"No! It's Doctor Cuddy and my baby's name is Rachel" she said, losing her temper. "You can't take her from me and certainly not on Christmas eve"

"Why does it matter? You are Jewish!" Rachel grandmother intervened.

Cuddy felt dizzy and looked around her. She was now in her living room. She looked at the street through her steamy window and saw that it was snowing outside. It was Christmas eve, after Cuddy gave away her baby, the only person she loved and who loved her right back, the only person who could put a smile on her face after a rough day. She was gone. Her baby, her hopes, everything that mattered had been ripped from her. She was cold, colder than she had ever been. She had no reason to live other than the hospital, and _'right now I would give that away in a heart beat if it could bring Rachel back to me'_ she thought desperately, a loud sob escaping her trembling lips.

"Nothing matters, your life's a waste" a voice in her head said.

She had nothing left. Rachel -or Jessica, whatever- was God knows where. She broke down crying and stayed lying on the floor, letting all the tears she had stream down her cheeks. She didn't know what to do. She couldn't stand the emptiness, the loneliness. She knew all about loneliness, she had been alone her whole life, but Rachel had changed everything. Losing her made it worse: never before had she felt so alone in the world. She felt a huge hole where her heart was supposed to be. She felt empty but not the numbing kind of empty, she felt like her heart had been cut off but the pain was still there. A bit like if she had a phantom limb. It wasn't there anymore but it hurt like hell.

_'Maybe I should get drunk'_ she thought, not knowing what to do with herself. Losing Joy had been painful, losing Rachel after having lived with her for months was beyond any pain she's ever had, it was physically unbearable. _'God, how am I going to survive?'_ she finally wondered before grabbing a bottle of whiskey and taking a large gulp. She was expecting her throat to burn but instead she tasted sour. _'What the...?'_ It wasn't whiskey, it was sour breast milk.

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She brutally woke up with a bitter taste in her mouth and immediately went to the bathroom to throw up. Her hands gripping the toilet seat, she had a head-splitting headache, her throat was on fire. She then ran to Rachel's crib to see that she was peacefully asleep, oblivious of her mommy's drama. "It was just a dream, just a dream" she repeated over and over like a mantra.

Reassured, she went to take a shower and put on some casual clothes. Then she called Lucas as House had suggested.

"Lucas Douglas?"

"Yeah, that's me" he said with a sleepy voice.

Cuddy looked at the clock in her bedside table _'6:30am'_

"Sorry, I know it's early but I need..."

"Who is it?" Lucas asked

"Oh sorry, it's Lisa Cuddy, House's boss, it's been a while, I don't know if you remember me"

"Oh I remember you, trust me" he said, now completely awake, and more than interested. "You have my undivided attention. What can I do for you?" he asked, intrigued.

"I need you" she said, her voice showing her angst.

_'That should be interesting'_ Lucas thought. "Let's meet for breakfast at the same diner than last time okay? 8 o'clock?" Lucas suggested.

"Perfect. Thank you for being available Lucas, it means a lot" Cuddy sounded relieved.

"No problem, see you then" and with that, they hung up.

**TBC... Do you want Cuddy to keep Rachel? Who do you think is gonna win her heart? The answer seems obvious, but don't forget that everybody lies. And they start with themselves... The trial 'scene' is gonna be fun to write. My sadistically argumentative brain is bubbling up already...**


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